Psychic Callers Anonymous

Hello all! Hopeful heart here. Call me Heart for short :). 

Now then, As previously discussed I want to post a few things here and there to try and help. I want to take things I've learned while earning my psych degree, as well as life lessons, and mix in theories of different ways to look at life (for really lack of a better way to describe it lol) and try and help. 

Don't get me wrong, I am in no way preaching and I am not perfect. Heck, I too got trapped in calling psychics. But I like to think I have beat my addiction, using skills I learned from a different time in my life, as well as this breakup. And now I want to share them. For a while I have thought about making my own private blog (and I still might!), but I thought first I'd like to pass some on to you all to see if it really can help :) 

This may turn into a multi-part series if that is okay with everyone here.

One of the biggest things, and the hardest struggles, is acceptance and just being in the moment. (and honestly, this applies to both a breakup and during a relationship. But more on that later).

Acceptance:

Acceptance is something that can and will be expanded on later. But for now let’s focus on acceptance of what has happened and is happening.

Accept what that moment is. Accept, as much as it sucks, that the breakup happened. That for whatever reason, you cannot be together. Accept that yes you are currently hurting.

Accept that perhaps you even had a hand in this breakup (unless of course you are the initiator of the breakup then yes, you did have a hand in it). I’m not saying to go full-on blaming yourself. Just, be logical and think critically for a moment and take responsibility for your own part in what happened. This is something else that can also be expanded upon in another post. But, accept any part you might have had. Accept what part your ex had. Accept that it ended.

And then let it go.

Not let it go like give up or forget. But let it go as in stop obsessing. Think of it like... an itch. Your arm itches, you acknowledge that itch, you scratch, you let it go. You don’t go on ignoring that itch while it drives you insane. But you also don’t go gouging out that itch with a fork until you bleed, right? You scratch, you release that feeling, you go on with your day.

Same thing; you are in pain, you acknowledge you are in pain, maybe you cry or listen to loud music on your commute but you don't let it overtake your whole day. The important thing is finding healthy ways to release. (Again remember we aren’t gouging that itch with a fork right? Same basic principle). SO, in this case let’s say the release was all of the psychic readings. They were the release of feelings and stress. The temporary itch-cream. But what happened when it wore off? It started itching again, so we started scratching again. And next thing you know, you’ve got a big red mess where once was only a tiny tickle.

Acceptance isn’t necessarily being okay with what happened; you’re hurt obviously and understandably so. Acceptance isn’t about being okay with anything your ex did (if they treated you badly, were abusive, with the broken heart they caused, etc). Acceptance is about simply saying “this is my situation. I cannot change what has happened that lead me here but I can choose how I respond and what my next step from here is.”

Another thing to remember is; you cannot control what someone else will do. You cannot control their actions or response. You can only control yourself and how you respond. This is another big part of acceptance. (okay well there’s a few steps but we’ll cover just this for now)

Being in the moment:

Be honest with yourselves for a moment; how much in life have you missed since your breakup? How many times have you skipped out on hanging out with friends, or left dinner early? How many hobbies have you let slip to the side? Just to get another reading in? To worry about what you didn’t have? How much time did you spend calling a psychic, wanting to know what was going to happen and when? You kept looking to the future; the “are we going to get back together?”, “will they come back?” instead of focusing on what was going on at that time. And even if you weren’t calling; just the sitting there wondering and hurting. The aching over the not-having.

There’s no shame in that. We’ve all done it. Any break up where you still care about your ex, you will wonder these things. The important thing is to not get stuck there. Hard lesson to learn, I know.

Instead of constantly focusing on the breakup, on what you don't have, instead focus on that moment. Whatever that moment is. I know, it can be hard. Trust me I understand that. But this is going to be an important step in life altogether.

And the same applies for being in a relationship or even building up to a relationship, even in just our friendships and day to day interactions; Instead of focusing on what to do next, what to say next, where you want things to go, just be in the moment and appreciate what is happening in that moment.

Quick exercise: “Just be”

So for this quick exercise, it’s going to be a short practice that we will expand on bit by bit. For this time, it comes in two parts, first solo and then not.

Solo: On your own, find a place to sit quietly, be it a park or a beach or a mall. Just sit and be. Feel the sun on your skin. Smell the soft pretzels from the food court. Hear the sound of the waves or the children playing. 

Now, just be. Observe all that is happening around you. Be aware of your body. How are you sitting? Are you scrunched in, arms folded, shoulders slumped? What is your body language saying to those around you? Is your face in a grimace or are you relaxed and neutral?

This isn’t an exercise to be hypercritical or make you judge yourself. It’s to help you open up your mind and be aware. Aware of how you are feeling, the message you are putting out, and how you are receiving the messages others are sending out unconsciously.

Observe the others around you; observe the people walking by. Be aware of your thoughts of all around you. Do you find yourself thinking more negatively? Or positively? 

For example: If you see a mother walking by with a screaming child, is your first thought "oh that woman must be feeling so overwhelmed!" Or is it "Ugh! This woman can't handle her own bratty kid?" 

See the difference? How can you change your reaction? This ties in to the same way we've thought about our ex. They didnt answer a text within the first 5 minutes "Ugh! They're ignoring me on purpose! They must be talking to some other tramp! I hate them!" 

It's all bout re-wiring our brain. How we think. Changing negative thought patterns into positive ones. It is a process, and it will take time. but it is important to practice in all aspects of life.  

Now, in a pair or small group: Go out with a friend or a family member, maybe a small gathering of friends. Now in this setting, be aware again. Not overly aware, but just be aware of your body. Are you closing yourself off with your body language? Or are you open and interested in conversation? And while we are on the topic of conversation; Don’t plan ahead the whole conversation. Listen to understand and respond. Don’t just wait for the first person to stop talking just so you can say your next piece. Don’t sit there wondering where this is going or what’s going to happen next. Go with the flow. You are water, so flow baby flow!

Once you can accept the past, and be in the present, can you start to move forward. But we will save more of that for another day. :) 

<3